Singing Chipmunks
by Monitor
Summary: in all movies, what gives you the cue to stand up and scream "behind you, you idiot!"? Ominous music! so when ominous music is heard lurking about Hogwarts, how many people panic?


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.  
  
Involving Chipmunks and Not Enough Peanuts  
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in Transfiguration, Hermione taking close notes and paying acute attention, Ron had fallen asleep and was drooling on his parchment, and Harry was dreaming up little heroic deeds he could do to get Cho's attention again. This was what Professor McGonagall was used to and she frowned at Ron and Harry and beamed at Hermione and then continued her lesson. This was what Professor Snape found when he came barging in.  
  
The doors to the room flew open with a bang and Snape came hurtling in, his face more ashen than usual, and his greasy hair clinging to it, which was sweaty. He was panting as if he had just run a very long way, which explained the sweat and the ashen-ness because the Potions Master was very thin, not because he was in shape, but because he was in fact a vegetarian. He made it a habit to sulk in his dungeons and not work out. But back to the point.  
  
"We have," he panted, "a serious problem."  
  
"Class dismissed," cried McGonagall. "To your dorms! Quickly! No dawdling!"  
  
As the class filed out past Snape, he hissed at Harry as he went past, "I'll get you expelled for this Potter. I know it was your doing even though you were in class. You used your-" But Harry heard no more because Professor McGonagall rapped Snape sharply on the head with her wand. He glowered at her. "Fine," he muttered sulkily. "To the Dumbledore Office!" And they took off down the hall, Snape clutching at his side cramp.  
  
"Let's follow them!" whispered Harry, eager to find out what was going wrong so he could fix it.  
  
"But we'll be seen," whispered Hermione back, her eyes growing big at the thought of expulsion.  
  
"Who cares," said Ron, emphasizing with a snort and a wave of his hand.  
  
"No worry Hermy," purred Harry in what he though was a convincing way. He ignored Hermione puffing up indignantly at the nick-name he felt was a good way to get her to follow him. "I now carry my invisibility cloak at all times, incase something like this happens," and he whipped out the silvery cloak with an unnecessary flourish. They threw it over themselves and raced after the puffing teachers.  
  
Minerva and Severus were puffing and looking a bit greener than usual by the time they reached Dumbledore's office. Minerva was also out of shape, seeing as Hogwarts had only Quidditch as a sport and no gym. (Little Known Fact: the Great Hall has been slowly sinking into the ground for decades. Not because of soft soil, but the combined weight of all the students eating and eating and eating and eating.)  
  
"Roasted-Marshmallow-butter-cream fig-newtons," gasped she, who was not a vegetarian, so it's hard to say who was worse off.  
  
The gargoyle sprang to life and they stepped onto the escalator, I mean magically moving staircase. The Hogwarts Dream Team (Harry Hermionie and Ron) speedily squeezed in after them. When they got to the top, Snape had composed himself and prepared for his dramatic entrance. Both of the teachers ran up the last few steps and burst spectacularly through the door, capes whooshing.  
  
"Dumbledore," cried Snape as the Plan-Foiling Trio followed silently through the door. "We have a serious problem!"  
  
Dumbledore, caught mostly unawares as he took a break from planning counter attacks on the evil Voldemort and was examining a suspicious Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Bean he had found in an anonymous letter that prompted him to "try this flavor!" He dropped it as the two professors burst in and stood up to retrieve them.  
  
"What is it Severus?"  
  
"I-" here the professor stumbled and began quivering in terror, eyes shifting nervously as if he expected to be attacked at any second. "I was outside and I heard.ominous music!"  
  
Minerva gasped and looked faint, and Dumbledore took a small sharp intake of breath, which is the same as a gasp. So the previous sentence should actually read: they both gasped and Minerva looked faint.  
  
"Where was this?" inquired Dumbledore.  
  
"While I was walking out by Hagrid's cabin. I'm sure we will be attacked at any second."  
  
"What degree of ominous-ness was it?"  
  
"Angry ominous, like a building title wave, ready to explode at any second, ready to fall upon an innocent town in Japan!" As he said this, he made wild crushing movements with his hands and arms making crashing noises. Try it next time you say something like this; it's strangely satisfying to make suitable gesticulations, especially when making strangling motions when talking about how much you strongly dislike someone.  
  
"I see," said Dumbledore quietly as Snape panted at his outburst, still being out of shape from his sprint to the castle. Just then, Hagrid came in the door.  
  
"Sorry Professor Dumbledore, I had to calm down a few animals I'm tending. For the sixth years! They're in for a treat, a real treat!" Under the invisibility-cloak, Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at each other in terror. "Wha' was so urgent Professor?"  
  
"We are expecting an attack on the school at any second. You must trust me absolutely and answer all of my questions as best you can. Will you, Hagrid?"  
  
"'Course, Dumbledore!"  
  
"When you were down at your hut a few minutes ago, did you hear anything strange?"  
  
"Er.define strange."  
  
"Singing, Hagrid, any kind of music," prompted Dumbledore.  
  
"Ominous music. You know, like in muggle movies when a psycho is waiting in the closet," said Snape.  
  
"Well, yeah I did, but-"  
  
"Great! Either the school is going to get attacked or there's a psycho with a giant axe hiding somewhere!" cried Minerva.  
  
"I know," said Snape. "Let's leave anything that we could use to protect us or aid us in any way and split up and go looking for the killer!... Hope he gets Potter," he added in an undertone.  
  
"Sure, but-" started Hagrid, but he was cut off by Dumbledore.  
  
"No. The school is going to get attacked. I know it. Which is too bad because this Christmas feast was going to be really superb.."  
  
"Listen!" Hagrid nearly bellowed. "You heard ominous music because the creatures I'm going to teach the sixth-years about are Singing Chipmunks. I ran out of peanuts, so they became angry and started singing ominous music to warn me that they were plotting to rip me to shreds if I didn't feed them soon. All I had was a bunch of cashews, but they don't like cashews."  
  
Stunned silence. Everyone was staring at him.  
  
'Well," sneered Snape, breaking the silence, "why didn't you say so before. I ran all the way from your hut to Minerva's class to here. Do you think that was pleasant for me?"  
  
"Now, now Severus. No harsh feelings. This was just a mix-up over peanuts, cashews, and chipmunks. Now, since this was a misunderstanding, would you please leave? I'm having a meeting with the Minister, oh, right now." The Minister of Magic stepped through the door and stared at the crowd.  
  
"I, er, was under the impression that we were meeting in private Dumbledore."  
  
"We will. We just have a small mix-up over some nuts."  
  
"Nuts?" asked a bewildered Minister.  
  
"Peanuts," said Hagrid.  
  
"And cashews," said Minerva.  
  
"Too little peanuts and too many cashews," growled Snape.  
  
"Don't forget the stinging chipmunks," said Minerva.  
  
"That's Singing Chipmunks," corrected Hagrid.  
  
"Whatever," she replied.  
  
"They got mad and started singing ominous music," explained Snape.  
  
And the Minister stood and gaped at them all like they were mad, and he was most probably right. Dumbledore sighed.  
  
"Lemon drop anyone," he offered. 


End file.
